Everyone experiences cancer differently, but this one felt like it touched everything all at once. You so clearly put into words so many of the ways life shifts after a cancer diagnosis (mine was triple negative breast cancer) and it resonated deeply with me.
One thing that became unexpectedly clear was how I wanted to spend my time. When I was diagnosed, I was in the middle of pursuing a PhD. I remember asking myself, “If I only had five years to live, what would I want to be doing?” And when I looked honestly at my core values, that path wasn’t near the top of the list.
At the same time, I had been teaching university courses in semi-retirement, but a sudden cut in international student visas meant those courses disappeared. What felt like a loss at first quietly opened another door—I now get to pursue writing full time.
It’s been an adjustment, but a good one. Writing here on Substack, my cancer journey gradually became part of my publication.
Some might not frame it this way, but I now have another “before and after.” First it was marriage. Then menopause. Now cancer.
Thank you for sharing this so openly. From a fellow cancer overcomer, I appreciate it more than I can say.
Thanks so much for sharing, Kathie. I especially loved this: “If I only had five years to live, what would I want to be doing?” Everyone should be asking themselves that, cancer or not.
Your point about cancer being another before and after struck me. As I get older, I see my life that way too, a series of before and afters. The longer we live, the more of them we collect.
"The longer we live, the more of them we collect." This is so true. I forgot children, mind you I have five spread over 18 yrs...so it seemed there was only before...and no after! 🤷🏼♀️ 🤭
thanks for taking the time and providing these rather interesting and detailed insights. obviously I am not a woman experiencing this. I am a man who is experiencing many of these same symptoms. Cancer is agnostic to gender, age, social state, race. It takes, and takes a bit more. My cancer thrives on testosterone. Fatigue and nausea are constant companions. Taking a walk is like prepping for a marathon. the things I loved - food, drink, sex, outdoor activities - are all memories. no alcohol - mixes badly with the meds. no taste or hunger - food used to be a thing for me. now its a life chore - get fuel. Intimacy is on a different level — thankfully my partner, she gets it. The things that i have learned though, and you made this point too, have been life altering. Empathy, mortality, mindfulness, gratitude, intentions were just words before. Now they play an important part of my life now. Thanks Alison.
I relate to so much of what you shared, Thom, thank you. I’m really glad you have a partner who gets it. Sometimes I wonder whether all we’ve lost is worth what cancer gives us in terms of perspective. Some days I think yes, and other days…not so much.
Wow, thank you so much Ali! You just summed up so much of how I am feeling these days. At 57, I must say, I care less and less everyday what others think, and am allowing myself to do a lot of things solo, that I used to think I'd have to have my husband or family sign on for me to do. More solo traveling in 2025 than ever before. Highly recommend, as you can go your own speed and soak it all up. Sending you so much love Ali! You are my beacon! xoxo
Yes, I resonate with everything you said. Especially the awareness of mortality. Even though I've been cancer free for over 50 years now, I will never lose the palpable sense of the impermanence of life.
Helen, it’s incredible you’ve been cancer free for over 50 years! It gives all of us so much hope. And yes, the awareness of mortality can be both a blessing and a curse. Thank you for sharing💛
Regarding your under arm numbness. Someone suggested I initially use an electric razor & I did that for quite a while.
Eventually, I tried using a regular Gillette razor with shaving cream. I may have used a mirror to guide my strokes. I’m numb on both sides & now routinely use the regular razor. I no longer need a mirror & have never cut myself. Good luck 😉
Thank you so much for your honest perspective of what cancer does to you mentally and physically. As a nurse, I have seen the pain and heartache associated with cancer and I still do this day. Remember a patient I had who died from stomach cancer and he was the most beautiful man as he went through his downward spiral until the night he died laughing. I will never forget him.
Thank you for sharing, Laura. That’s a beautiful image of the man dying laughing. Nurses are heroes, you’re doing truly meaningful work. I also checked out your Substack and I’m in awe at what you’ve overcome. Your writing touches me deeply.
Thanks for sharing all these things. There are many things you mentioned that seem like really positive changes, like: putting less pressure on yourself, communicating your needs, making rest and self-care a priority, living in the present moment, listening to your body, and more. I'm glad you have found these helpful and they all resonate as things that changed for me too.
Great summary, Allison. I resonate with a lot of what you shared. I think one of the biggest things for me it’s just how much we take for granted and the importance of stopping and being in the present. It made me appreciate how privileged I am to have the support that I do and that I’m able to take the time to process and give my body the rest that it needs. I was lucky, I didn’t lose my hair. The hardest for me has been the neuropathy with my hands and feet. The feeling of the constant tingles sort of like having your hands in a perpetual state of coming back from frostbite. Having to make the decision between potentially losing function in my hands and feet or keeping going with the chemo in the hopes that it will kill the cancer. Thanks again for sharing!
I see myself in many of these observations and am also reminded that it hits us all in different ways. Both things can be true, but the universal thread is that fact that the change cancer brings - big, scary, life-altering change - is undeniable.
Thank you for sharing - I relate to almost all of these (daily mediation and soft fabrics being the exceptions, but now I'll look into both too). 😊 Cancer changed everything and made me so much more grateful for what I do have. Never again will I grumble a birthday because what a privilege it is to age. ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm 27 and my girlfriend is 26. She was diagnosed recently with Stage 2B TNBC. We're both in law school but live in different cities and go to different schools about 45 minutes to an hour from each other. She's never openly affectionate when her parents are around; her parents are likewise not the type to say 'I love you.' Ever since her diagnosis, I realized how much of a big thing it was that I got her back. I found a note in her diary one morning where she wrote about whether I would love her even when her hair starts falling out or whether I would still choose her even when it gets difficult. Of course, I'd choose her. I'm sure your husband chose you for that same reason. If its alright to ask, what thoughts ran through his mind? Did you ever have obstacles in your relationship? How did you handle them even while you sought treatment? Thank you.
What a fantastic post! I wrote a similar one just on the physical parts but I think I need to reflect on and write the mental and emotional ones too. I relate hard to the not planning too far ahead (and I’m a planner at heart) and the big birthday expectations (I was diagnosed a few weeks before 50). Also if I now don’t want to do things, I just don’t. Freeing!
Everyone experiences cancer differently, but this one felt like it touched everything all at once. You so clearly put into words so many of the ways life shifts after a cancer diagnosis (mine was triple negative breast cancer) and it resonated deeply with me.
One thing that became unexpectedly clear was how I wanted to spend my time. When I was diagnosed, I was in the middle of pursuing a PhD. I remember asking myself, “If I only had five years to live, what would I want to be doing?” And when I looked honestly at my core values, that path wasn’t near the top of the list.
At the same time, I had been teaching university courses in semi-retirement, but a sudden cut in international student visas meant those courses disappeared. What felt like a loss at first quietly opened another door—I now get to pursue writing full time.
It’s been an adjustment, but a good one. Writing here on Substack, my cancer journey gradually became part of my publication.
Some might not frame it this way, but I now have another “before and after.” First it was marriage. Then menopause. Now cancer.
Thank you for sharing this so openly. From a fellow cancer overcomer, I appreciate it more than I can say.
Thanks so much for sharing, Kathie. I especially loved this: “If I only had five years to live, what would I want to be doing?” Everyone should be asking themselves that, cancer or not.
Your point about cancer being another before and after struck me. As I get older, I see my life that way too, a series of before and afters. The longer we live, the more of them we collect.
"The longer we live, the more of them we collect." This is so true. I forgot children, mind you I have five spread over 18 yrs...so it seemed there was only before...and no after! 🤷🏼♀️ 🤭
thanks for taking the time and providing these rather interesting and detailed insights. obviously I am not a woman experiencing this. I am a man who is experiencing many of these same symptoms. Cancer is agnostic to gender, age, social state, race. It takes, and takes a bit more. My cancer thrives on testosterone. Fatigue and nausea are constant companions. Taking a walk is like prepping for a marathon. the things I loved - food, drink, sex, outdoor activities - are all memories. no alcohol - mixes badly with the meds. no taste or hunger - food used to be a thing for me. now its a life chore - get fuel. Intimacy is on a different level — thankfully my partner, she gets it. The things that i have learned though, and you made this point too, have been life altering. Empathy, mortality, mindfulness, gratitude, intentions were just words before. Now they play an important part of my life now. Thanks Alison.
I relate to so much of what you shared, Thom, thank you. I’m really glad you have a partner who gets it. Sometimes I wonder whether all we’ve lost is worth what cancer gives us in terms of perspective. Some days I think yes, and other days…not so much.
Every single point, I resonate with ❤️ beautifully said.
Thank you, Olivia!
Wow, thank you so much Ali! You just summed up so much of how I am feeling these days. At 57, I must say, I care less and less everyday what others think, and am allowing myself to do a lot of things solo, that I used to think I'd have to have my husband or family sign on for me to do. More solo traveling in 2025 than ever before. Highly recommend, as you can go your own speed and soak it all up. Sending you so much love Ali! You are my beacon! xoxo
Ditto! You inspire me in a zillion different ways. Let’s do another retreat together?😍🧘
Yes, I resonate with everything you said. Especially the awareness of mortality. Even though I've been cancer free for over 50 years now, I will never lose the palpable sense of the impermanence of life.
Helen, it’s incredible you’ve been cancer free for over 50 years! It gives all of us so much hope. And yes, the awareness of mortality can be both a blessing and a curse. Thank you for sharing💛
Regarding your under arm numbness. Someone suggested I initially use an electric razor & I did that for quite a while.
Eventually, I tried using a regular Gillette razor with shaving cream. I may have used a mirror to guide my strokes. I’m numb on both sides & now routinely use the regular razor. I no longer need a mirror & have never cut myself. Good luck 😉
Thanks for the tip, Shirley! I think I’ve been a bit nervous to use a regular razor but sounds like maybe I shouldn’t be.
Thank you so much for your honest perspective of what cancer does to you mentally and physically. As a nurse, I have seen the pain and heartache associated with cancer and I still do this day. Remember a patient I had who died from stomach cancer and he was the most beautiful man as he went through his downward spiral until the night he died laughing. I will never forget him.
Thank you for sharing, Laura. That’s a beautiful image of the man dying laughing. Nurses are heroes, you’re doing truly meaningful work. I also checked out your Substack and I’m in awe at what you’ve overcome. Your writing touches me deeply.
Thanks for sharing all these things. There are many things you mentioned that seem like really positive changes, like: putting less pressure on yourself, communicating your needs, making rest and self-care a priority, living in the present moment, listening to your body, and more. I'm glad you have found these helpful and they all resonate as things that changed for me too.
Great summary, Allison. I resonate with a lot of what you shared. I think one of the biggest things for me it’s just how much we take for granted and the importance of stopping and being in the present. It made me appreciate how privileged I am to have the support that I do and that I’m able to take the time to process and give my body the rest that it needs. I was lucky, I didn’t lose my hair. The hardest for me has been the neuropathy with my hands and feet. The feeling of the constant tingles sort of like having your hands in a perpetual state of coming back from frostbite. Having to make the decision between potentially losing function in my hands and feet or keeping going with the chemo in the hopes that it will kill the cancer. Thanks again for sharing!
Thank you for sharing. I’m not ready to read this yet. But it’s important writing. I just know it.
My most recent piece was about what changed the moment we got my husband’s prognosis, and that was my whole world.
I look forward to reading your piece one day soon.
A vulnerable and beautiful read. It all resonates with me. ❤️
I see myself in many of these observations and am also reminded that it hits us all in different ways. Both things can be true, but the universal thread is that fact that the change cancer brings - big, scary, life-altering change - is undeniable.
Thank you for sharing - I relate to almost all of these (daily mediation and soft fabrics being the exceptions, but now I'll look into both too). 😊 Cancer changed everything and made me so much more grateful for what I do have. Never again will I grumble a birthday because what a privilege it is to age. ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm 27 and my girlfriend is 26. She was diagnosed recently with Stage 2B TNBC. We're both in law school but live in different cities and go to different schools about 45 minutes to an hour from each other. She's never openly affectionate when her parents are around; her parents are likewise not the type to say 'I love you.' Ever since her diagnosis, I realized how much of a big thing it was that I got her back. I found a note in her diary one morning where she wrote about whether I would love her even when her hair starts falling out or whether I would still choose her even when it gets difficult. Of course, I'd choose her. I'm sure your husband chose you for that same reason. If its alright to ask, what thoughts ran through his mind? Did you ever have obstacles in your relationship? How did you handle them even while you sought treatment? Thank you.
What a fantastic post! I wrote a similar one just on the physical parts but I think I need to reflect on and write the mental and emotional ones too. I relate hard to the not planning too far ahead (and I’m a planner at heart) and the big birthday expectations (I was diagnosed a few weeks before 50). Also if I now don’t want to do things, I just don’t. Freeing!
Very well written. Covered all the points.